


In the Now

by Tallihensia



Series: Not A Villain [6]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-13
Updated: 2011-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:52:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallihensia/pseuds/Tallihensia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark is at home after a harrowing adventure, only to find that life had gone on while he was away, and that he has some things that need fixing, if they can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Now

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Only mine in my dreams. ^^ This story was written for free entertainment purposes only and may not be reproduced for profit or altered without permission.
> 
>  **Warnings:** none
> 
>  **Spoilers:** General Smallville
> 
>  **Notes:** 6th in the Conner series. Beta by Ronda. Cross-posted to [my livejournal](http://alatrific.livejournal.com/34371.html).

# In the Now

Clark landed on the roof of the LexCorp building, his heart in his throat.

All the trials of the last month, fighting an entire world, shutting down a gate, coming back home across an entire galaxy with all of their team alive; all of that paled and was almost completely forgotten with what had greeted him upon his return.

He had worried about Conner the whole time he'd been gone, guilt at leaving him alone tearing him apart. He had forgotten to worry about Lex. Or to be more grammatically correct, worrying for.

It wasn't the last month, however, that he should have been watching over Lex, it was fourteen years ago. Fourteen years too late. Was it even possible to correct something failed that long ago?

Beautiful and deadly, Mercy approached him cautiously, her hand steady on the gun pointed toward him. Clark could feel the kryptonite bullet from where he stood.

"I'd like to talk to Lex, please."

Mercy arched an eyebrow, then spoke to the microphone she wore, "You heard him."

She listened for a moment, then frowned. "You can come in. But I'm watching you."

Clark nodded, swirling his cape around so it wouldn't be in the way of his movements. Then he walked past Mercy, trying not to flinch as he passed the kryptonite as well. There were few things he wanted less than to have an enemy with kryptonite at his back. Trust, however, was on shorter supply from their end than from his and he really wanted to see Lex.

He ignored the elevator at the top and instead went down the stairs. Even though he was the one who needed to trust Lex, Clark had one too many bad memories of being trapped inside boxes with kryptonite sidings and waiting for Lex's next step. Not that Lex didn't occasionally have traps in stairwells too, but Clark just instinctively trusted them more. Or rather, didn't cringe away from them as much.

Stepping into Lex's home, giving himself into Lex's power. Maybe it would be enough of a gesture for Lex not to destroy him the instant he walked in. Not that Lex would do that anyhow - Clark's death would hurt Conner, and Lex wouldn't do anything against his son. He would even tell his son things he'd never told his mortal enemy, once his friend.

"Lex." Clark arrived not in the office that he'd been expecting, but a living room where Lex sat in a leather reclining chair, a book on the coffee table beside him, watching Clark with shadowed eyes. He was dressed in a comfortable-looking soft grey sweater and black slacks, not his normal office-wear, and he wasn't wearing shoes. Clark tried to keep himself from staring at the grey-stocking feet.

"Superman," Lex drawled. "Welcome back to Earth. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Clark glanced sideways, indicating Mercy's presence without turning around.

Lex rolled his eyes. "Mercy, you can go."

"No, sir," Mercy replied firmly.

"He's not going to hurt me, Mercy."

"He already has, sir! No."

Most of the powerful villains had minions, some of them insane, some in love, some simply well-paid. The devotion that Lex's companions showed him was border-line insane, and really, Clark wasn't all that sure that Mercy wasn't, sometimes. However, Hope, Charity, Justice all showed the same fierce loyalty and they were competent and clever and worked as well in the real world as the shadowy one of villainy. It had always been unusual. Now Clark saw it as something that showed Lex's good side, that the others saw and Clark had not. Now, Clark wondered how many other signs he'd missed over the years, hell-bent on an image that had formed in his youth. Once, he had given Lex that benefit of a doubt, defending that good side. Somewhere along the way, Clark had thought it had died, or never existed, tricked from the start. As much as he'd wanted Lex to have a good side, Clark had stopped believing in it long ago. Conner had shown him it still existed and never had gone away, it was just hidden from those who would not see it.

"Mercy, he's not going to harm me," Lex repeated just as firmly. He looked at Clark and sighed a little. "And we do have to talk. I'm going to tell him about my father, and you are going to go back to the security center and spend some more time trying to track him down. Things are coming to a boil, Mercy, and Superman is not at the center of it, however he is a part of it, and he needs to know."

Clark could almost feel Mercy's surprise at the mention of Lex's father, and then her quiet acceptance. "Yes, sir."

There was a small snick and the kryptonite in the gun went back behind its shielding. Clark tried not to show how relieved he was as Mercy holstered the gun and left.

The smirk on Lex's face showed Clark hadn't been entirely successful at hiding it. Either that, or Lex just knew Clark very well. Lex didn't say anything about it, however, instead picking up his phone and selecting a number. "Charity, please rearrange my meetings for tomorrow. I won't be coming in."

The voice on the other end asked some questions about some of the people and details of the postponed meetings, and Lex answered them, prioritizing and working out plans for the change in schedule.

While Lex did this, Clark studied him. Ever since the time Lex had walked back into his life with a briefcase full of money for Conner, Clark had been studying him. He couldn't help it. Lex was still a very attractive man, and he'd only gotten more so with the years of confidence and assurance behind him. Clark couldn't help the way his gaze went to the smooth movements, the way his senses tingled with the flow of the rich voice, the way he was held in the grip of steel-blue eyes. He missed, however, the open grins of their youth, when Lex had looked happy and alive.

His fault. His own fault, for letting those smiles fade, for the light disappearing in the eyes, for the scorn and hatred that had replaced the love. It didn't matter that Clark hadn't really known about the love – he'd known about the friendship, and the strongest of friendships always included love no matter how anybody wanted to phrase it. Clark had taken it for granted, and hadn't known what he'd lost until it was gone.

Lex finally finished and then sat there, saying nothing.

Clark stepped forward and then dropped to his knees, bending his head. "I'm sorry," he said. He knew the gesture was overly dramatic, yet Lex liked drama. It would, if nothing else, catch his attention.

"Well," Lex's voice shivered darkly over Clark's skin. "Superman at my feet, begging for mercy. This is something I have dreamed of for years."

Clark held the pose. He wasn't begging for mercy, he was begging for forgiveness, but in some ways it was much the same thing.

"It would be even better if you would suck my cock," Lex mocked, not giving an inch.

Involuntarily, Clark looked at Lex's crotch. Though there was evidence of a nice-sized member under the black slacks, there wasn't even a quiver to indicate a raising hardness. Just a taunt, then, not really meaning it.

"If you think it would help," Clark offered. He really did mean it, but he didn't think Lex would accept.

Lex held his breath for the space of a few heartbeats, then let it out in a laugh. It wasn't anything like his youthful joy, yet even this shadow was better than nothing.

"Oh, get up," Lex huffed. "You're too much like a damn statue there." He gestured at the couch across from him. "Feel free to change if the outfit is uncomfortable."

Obediently, Clark sat on the couch. As with anything Lex owned, it was fifty times more comfortable than his own. In that way, it reminded him of the one in the castle where he'd spent so much time, doing his homework while Lex worked. Or sitting there while they talked about anything and everything. His other home, once. "I'm fine," Clark replied about his costume. Then blatantly, he realized, "Unless you'd rather I not?"

Lex waved a hand, dismissing that. "You've always seemed to me to rely greatly upon your outfits to be who you were. Superman or reporter or other."

Clark shrugged. It was pretty much true, but, "Conner blurs the lines."

"I'm not sure if he realizes there _are_ lines," Lex replied in a disgruntled tone.

"No," Clark agreed. "It's not safe that way, and yet..." he trailed off.

"Yet it's nice to see some honesty," Lex finished.

"Yes," Clark admitted, bowing his head again. There had been so little of it in their lives. Their honesty had always been mixed in with their lies, his and Lex's tied together until one couldn't be separated from the other. Then Conner had come in and swept it all away, seeing them for what they were and refusing to accept less than that.

With a sigh, Lex resettled himself into the chair, losing the pose and getting a more comfortable position. "You want to know about my father." His voice didn't tremble, and his face didn't show emotion, yet Clark knew what it had cost Lex to offer even that much.

Almost, Clark wished Lex wouldn't call Lionel his father. A father that had done such things to his son was no father at all, in Clark's opinion. However, he knew that Lex had always clung to the identification, perhaps to keep him from hating him too much, at least back then. Or to keep the pretense that Lionel loved him, for all people needed to be loved, or the illusion thereof. Clark wished he himself hadn't stopped loving Lex. He hadn't realized back then what it would mean, so wrapped up in his own pain that he hadn't believed in Lex's.

There was one thing about Lionel, though, that Clark did want to know. "That Thanksgiving," Clark whispered, "Conner said---"

"That was a clone," Lex interrupted, not making Clark finish the sentence. "He was probably a failed early trial of the memory transfer yet father decided he would be of use the way he was. The memories he had from my father weren't complete, and they were mostly good ones. The clone was every bit as charming and honest and sincere as he appeared." Lex's face twisted in pain. "He was probably a good man, a man most people would want to know and be with."

It was partly a relief to know that his mom hadn't been taken in by a con artist, that there had been something genuine there. Clark remembered wondering how the Lionel he'd come to know then could have done the things Clark knew he'd done earlier... and he'd let himself be persuaded that it was Lex instead. Lex hadn't exactly been doing much at the time to show else-wise, and it somehow had been easier to translate Clark's feelings of betrayal into a deeper hate instead of finding out what the truth was behind it. Lionel had been so kind, so accepting... so much like Lex had been, once upon a time. It was easier to not break his mother's heart again and to accept what was there instead.

The clone might have been a good person, however he had also been disappointed by and was scared of Lex. The lies that the man had told about Lex, Clark and his mom had believed, because the clone had believed them and had been a good man. That had hurt Lex even worse, as the original Lionel had obviously intended. Clark had been so confused during that time. "Your real father – he was still out there too?"

"At the same time? Yes." Lex sighed, steepling his fingers. "I believe he used that time to set up his underground laboratories, to perfect the memory transfers, and to work out the logistics of running his multiple cloning projects. He couldn't, however, stay completely away and still have his regular projects run the way he wanted them to, so he kept popping in." Lex shook his head. "That must have confused his clone horribly, with some of the conflicting orders."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clark couldn't even imagine how painful, how horrifying, it must have been.

"I didn't know," Lex said, his voice low and hollow. "Not then."

Clark shivered, feeling creeping fingers crawling along the grave of his memories. Lex had been left to deal with all that by himself, because Clark had turned away from him. Worse, even then the time at Belle Reve, because then when Lex had been confused, he'd come to Clark and he'd trusted Clark. This time, Lex hadn't even tried to come to Clark, because he couldn't trust Clark anymore.

"I'm sorry," Clark whispered again.

Lex shook his head. "Even if I had said something, you wouldn't have believed me."

It was true. Clark couldn't even protest that statement, because it was true. He would have disbelieved Lex, accused him of accusing his father to hide his own doings, and then stomped out in a rage that Lex would even have had the gall to try something like that.

"Why didn't you tell somebody _else_?" The question burst out of him. He didn't know that Lex hadn't, not for certain, and yet, he felt it.

"Who else was there?" Lex said bitterly. "I told you time and again that you were my only friend. Did you never believe me when I said it? There _was_ nobody else."

And the truth of that slammed like a sledgehammer onto Clark's heart, for it was true. There had never been anybody else. Clark had turned from Lex, and Lex had been left alone. More alone even than Lex had been before because he'd at one point had Clark and he'd learned to come to Clark, and then suddenly he'd had nobody again. Left completely alone to deal with an insane father attacking him at all sides, meteor mutants attacking him, wives trying to kill him, and Clark and his friends dragging him through the dirt at every opportunity. Who else was there? Who else could there have been?

"I tried," Lex said with his words barely vocal. "I tried to find people to tell. They either betrayed me or they died. Not until Mercy did I find anybody who would stay and live."

If Clark hadn't been sixteen and so sure that everything that Lex did was perfect, Clark might have seen sooner that Lex was only human. Clark remembered the disappointment, the feeling of betrayal, the disgust when something Lex had done turned out wrong or put people in danger Not to mention the lies. Clark had not been the only one to lie, and he forgave that as little as Lex did, back then. And yet, Clark had family and friends. Lex had nobody. Nobody but Clark, and without Clark... Clark wished so badly that he had tried harder to look beyond the obvious and be Lex's friend. To bend a little and forgive a bit more. How much could they have avoided if Clark had asked instead of accused? Yes, Clark had asked and gotten lies from Lex, just as Lex asked Clark and received other lies, so there was equal pain on both sides, yet Clark now felt that he hadn't tried as hard as he could have to be a friend. Friends were supposed to help each other, and that meant more than just saving a life. Clark had saved the body and forgotten about the soul. He had wanted Lex to be good, yet had never shown him how.

"Conner also said that you'd been cloned?" Clark's voice quivered as he asked about that. How could he not have known? His friend, his best friend, and Clark couldn't even tell what was real or what wasn't.

"A few times that I know of," Lex said dismissively. "They don't last very long. They start breaking down fairly quickly, first mentally and then physically. Dad," Lex's voice quivered, just a little, and he cleared his throat. "Dad would kill them once they weren't functional anymore. Or," Lex closed his eyes. "I would."

Clark wanted to go to Lex and put his arms around him and never let him go. "The incident with the Muxilan Crystals?" A fairly recent event.

Lex nodded.

"Arthur?" From before.

Lex snorted. "That was me. For pity's sake. You and your little gang were trespassing on private property, interfering with a government project that I had a contract for. It wasn't like I was doing all that just for the fun of it! What was I going to tell the government, 'no, sorry, my friends say it's bad for the environment but they have no proof about it so I'm going to stop now, sorry about the waste of taxpayer funds, and no, I can't pay you back for the contract.' You people had _no_ sense of what could or couldn't be done or the proper way to do anything at all!"

Clark winced, knowing they had deserved it back then.

"I suppose that was partially my fault, though," Lex reflected, "Giving you anything you wanted, no matter what it was, and not telling you what I had to do to get it. Trained you not to know, or care, about such things. You didn't know what to do when I would not, or could not, give you something."

Ryan's legal release from the so-called medical clinic, bringing in a football team for Whitney to play with, and a hundred other things that Lex had done upon Clark's mere asking. Clark hadn't thanked him enough back then for all that Lex did. Then when Lex was gone, Oliver kept doing the same sorts of things. Only Oliver had asked things in exchange, forming his vigilante group and holding a score chart of favors done over Clark's head. All very polite and friendly about it, yet it was never quite the same as it had been with Lex, freely given for love. Clark had never thought about comparing them, pushing the memories as completely away as he had the friendship.

"Cyborg?" Clark asked, not sure what to think there.

Lex hesitated. He reached for a nearby water glass and drank before answering. "I'm not sure." He stood up and walked to stare into the unlit fireplace. "There are... gaps... in my memory. The major one being Belle Reve, of course, but there are others. I know that Father only succeeded in copying my memory that one time, but the other points... I don't know. I don't know if it was me, a brother, or something else. I just don't know."

Clark shivered. The conditioning to make Conner fight under another's control had to have been developed somewhere. If Lionel couldn't make a clone of Lex, had he been trying to control him otherwise? Could he still? How scary was it, to not know what might be lurking in your subconscious?

"I'm sorry," Clark said ineffectually, meaning the words and yet knowing they could do nothing.

Lex shrugged, not turning around.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Clark stood up as well, though he didn't approach Lex. "Not then. I know why not then." Clark had been a self-righteous ass in his youth, so very sure he was right all the time, and that others were wrong. For as much as Clark struggled with his own self-doubts, and he'd had those aplenty, he'd never truly questioned the righteousness of what he'd done. Reflection had come later, with maturity and a broader knowledge of the world. Being a reporter had helped for that. There was always more than one or two stories, and always shades of grey.

Lex shook his head. "I couldn't."

"That bargain?"

"That, and..." Lex hesitated then didn't finish the sentence.

"The spy." Clark closed his own eyes. "It's Chloe, isn't it? Chloe reports things to Lionel?"

"Only on things that concern me," Lex confirmed in a low voice. "She would never betray you or the others. She loves you and would not hurt you."

Except that by doing that alone, Chloe was betraying them all. Watchtower was supposed to be their guardian for spies, and a spy for them, not to be a spy for somebody else. Her love for Clark was not like his love for the world, and Clark had always known that but thought it hadn't mattered. Now that Clark knew, though, he could see the tentacles of deception floating back through the years. Little things he'd wondered about yet hadn't acted on. Hesitations, snippets overhead and ignored, the way some things would be reported and others not. Chloe's overwhelming hatred of Lex, which matched Oliver's. "Oliver?"

Lex snorted, turning around and putting his back against the wall. "Oliver is just an ass. He's hated me since middle school and nothing will ever change that. Chloe," Lex's voice dropped into pain again, "has been my dad's since your high school years. He got her early and never let go."

"I knew," Clark swallowed. "I knew she'd done some things for him back then, but she swore she'd stopped. She testified against him at his trial."

"Because she had to, caught between a rock and a hard place. She was the only one who knew who lived to do so, including destroying my own mind to keep it a secret. Did you never wonder why she had been left alive? Forcing me to fire her dad from the plant was such a minor thing compared to what my father had done to others."

"I wondered," Clark said softly. He had. Even the explosion afterwards hadn't kept him from wondering. Their group had just been starting out, none of them would have been a match for Lionel, even back then. Many people more capable than them had been destroyed by Lionel for lesser things.

Lex studied him for a moment, eyes dark and almost sympathetic. Lex knew how much Chloe meant to Clark. A betrayal not quite on the scale of a father against a son, but a pain that still tore through Clark's heart. Worse, even, because Chloe thought she was on Clark's side while doing it. Clark wondered how he could possibly face her again.

Lex's voice come through softly, gentle yet firm. "If you have to tell anybody now, tell Bruce. Or Diana. Nobody else. So far, Father has only meddled in things against me. If he decides to expand his sights or use the resources of the Justice League, we're in trouble. Chloe would not countenance such a thing, yet she might have no choice."

Clark nodded. There were other things he needed to know, things they had to plan. Knowing the truth behind the years... there was so much they needed to do. Yet right now, those things were also all so very far away. And Lex was so very near.

Walking with his feet barely touching the ground, Clark was terrified that he was out of his mind. Gravity wasn't holding him and neither was any sort of sense or reason.

He stood in front of Lex who had watched him approach with hooded eyes, and Clark raised his hand to Lex's face. "Lex," Clark whispered, all the wishes of what might have been burning through him.

Lex closed his eyes but didn't remove himself from Clark's touch.

"Lex," Clark said again, wishing that this moment, this night would somehow be able to make up for the rest of it. He knew it wouldn't. Not really.

"Stop teasing me," Lex said roughly, and reached up to bury a hand in Clark's hair and drag him close.

Then they were kissing. Hot and messy and hungry and painful. Years and lies between them and there had always been this too.

Lex's hands worked at the hidden clasps on Clark's outfit and Clark had the vague presence of mind to wonder how he knew about them. The rest of his mind was busy processing the smell of Lex, the taste of him as he licked along his neck, his collarbone, pushing the sweater away for more flesh to find and finally just tearing it off Lex.

With a growl, Lex took him down with a hooked foot around Clark's ankle, following him to the floor and biting Clark's mouth savagely.

Clark took all the anger with the passion and grew hard under it. So long, so many years, so little truth between them. This, at least, was a truth, if probably the least of those that should have been. He rolled Lex over, pinning him underneath, yet getting tangled in the clothes Lex hadn't completely removed.

With a grimace, Clark sat up and took the costume off. Lex watched while taking his own pants and underwear off.

"Any costume kinks you want to fulfill?" Clark asked as he removed the boots.

Lex snorted. "Not really. I'll think of some for another time."

This made Clark look at him in surprise. He hadn't been sure if there would be a 'tonight', let alone another time.

"Do you really see either one of us stopping once we've started this?" Lex replied in answer to the look.

No, Clark didn't. But it didn't depend so much on Clark, compared to what Lex would do.

Lex didn't elaborate, just simply pushed Clark onto the rug and devoured him.

That first time, it was quick and it was relentless. There was no art and no finesse about what they did to each other. Just simple need and want and a brutal disregard for anything else. It spoke of the anger and pain between them as well as the passion.

They came together through the sweat and heat, shoving against each other and rolling on the rug, first one, then the other on top. Fighting as much as loving. The coffee table was a casualty, as well as several knickknacks in vulnerable spots. Other things came crashing down as if a small earthquake had brought them down. They ignored them, lesser casualties in the art of war and pleasure.

Clark came first, not a hand on him, just their bodies rubbing together as they kissed and bit at each other. He shuddered and cried out Lex's name.

After Clark had come, Lex knelt up and pointed his dick at Clark's mouth. "You wanted to suck my cock earlier..." he growled, and then shoved in as Clark opened for him.

Clark loved it. He had never loved anything so much in the world, including the first time he'd fucked Lois. Lex taking his mouth, shoving in and knowing that Clark couldn't be hurt. Even if he thought that Clark could be hurt, Lex didn't care. It was all about the dick in Clark's mouth, and Lex's need for it. Clark couldn't get enough and Lex came too soon for him.

"I hate you," Lex whispered as he sank down next to Clark.

"I know," Clark replied, gathering Lex in his arms and kissing him. "It's okay."

Their second time was slower, just as full of kisses, but without the same anger. Soft kisses, wondering kisses. Licks across nipples and a gauging of reactions before moving on to the next. Pain in the movements -- not the physical pain, but the pain of hurt a dozen years and more gone by. Love deprived, love betrayed. Coming together did not change that and the second time showed it in the tears that mixed with the sweat. Neither one commented on the other's salty mix, simply licking it up and moving on.

This time, Lex swallowed Clark's dick, as if to make up for his earlier disregard. He was tender and he was _good_. Clark arched under Lex, struggling not to throw him off or to hurt him by thrusting too much. It was hard, though, as Lex brought out every trick to bring pleasure into the sex, without the fighting. There was only a passion combined with the longing of years denied.

When Clark was limp and sated, panting bonelessly on the carpet, Lex curled into Clark's body and thrust against Clark's hip until he also came. Not a sound did he make, unless one counted the sobs, which Clark ignored. He held Lex through the thrusts, guiding Lex and supporting him. Wishing he had done so fourteen years ago, if not so literally, then at least the figurative.

They rested in each other's arms, curled together, neither one separate nor alone, the years of pain receded through the pleasure.

The third time was in Lex's large bed. There was some laughter, though not a lot. Some conversation. Some tears. Some anger. It would be a long time, if ever, before there would be no anger nor tears. They accepted that for this night and went on.

This time, there was discussion, and planning, and Lex dug a box out from under his bed.

"What, it's not in your dresser drawer?" Clark asked, amazed.

Lex glanced at him sourly as he checked to make sure the lube was still good. "I'm not a tomcat, and I don't trust people in my bedroom."

Neither one mentioned that Clark was there now. They simply came together again, a little more wondering, a bit of disbelief that it was really happening. Thought as well as action in their movements. Awareness of the here and now, and a deliberate claiming between them. Acknowledgement of the past, yet living in the moment.

Clark found that having Lex inside of him this time was as wonderful as it had been earlier in his mouth. It was as if he had been waiting for this his whole life. He was no stranger to sex with both sexes, and this feeling of completion wasn't the sex, it was the partner. He came with Lex's name reverently upon his lips.

Lex chanted Clark's name as if afraid that Clark would disappear on him, a dream that one would wake up from. When he came, his expression was rapture and fear showing equally.

After they cleaned up, they pulled the covers up over themselves and slept entangled in each other's arms.

Tomorrow would be another day. For now, they had each other. Fourteen years late, but late was better than never.  


* * *

  


END

**Author's Note:**

> Note: The next story in the Archive is NOT a direct sequel to this one! It's a prequel to the series. Chronologically, it takes place before the first story. But it's better read after, so I'm leaving it here in the reading sequence. Wanted to make sure you knew this first!
> 
> The "story" after that is a character guide. Again, not what I wanted first in the listing. So the actual next story in sequence (7th) is actually the 9th in the AO3 list. But do check out the prequel and the guide on your way over to the next. They might be important. :)


End file.
